The Wife and I were visiting a neighbor a couple nights back for a home-based happy hour. Some drinks; some gnoshies; and lots of good conversation. When it came time to depart, I made a flippant comment to our neighbor – “I’ll come down and bug you in the next couple of weeks.”
The Wife turned to me, raised an eyebrow, and said, “You don’t ‘bug’ people, you know.”
Two things. One, I am completely envious of her ability to raise one eyebrow. Try as I might, I just can’t do it. I can get one eyebrow to raise the tiniest fraction of an inch, but that’s it.
Two, I realized that I often make self-deprecating comments like that. It got me to wondering why. Is it an indicator of deep-seated self-doubt? Do such statements mean that I don’t value myself? I’m reasonably sure that I have the same level of self-doubt that most people do. I do value myself, but I wonder if I’m worried that other people don’t value me. A person can find themselves down a very deep rabbit hole very quickly when thinking thoughts like these.
I do know that I tend to go the understated route. I’ve never been one to talk myself up. I get uncomfortable when finding myself in positions where I have to “sell” myself. It’s not that I think that there’s nothing to sell … it’s the act of selling that I have trouble with. My actions and performance should do the selling – not me.
What’s interesting is that self-deprecating comments often get a laugh from other people. I got to thinking about this, as well. Are people just mean-spirited? Do self-deprecating comments help them feel better about themselves? As ambivalent as I am about other people’s goodness or badness, I’m still optimistic enough to believe that people are inherently not evil.
Self-deprecating humor tends to put other people at ease. They know that the person making the joke has a sense of humor. They know that the person doesn’t take themselves uber-seriously.
I will continue to make such jokes because that’s just part of my personality. But I will start paying more attention to the context of the situation. I can be humorous in other ways, and there is a limit to what humility can achieve.